Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
by Obi the Kid
Summary: Pre-TPM (Obi is15). Qui has a small problem and Obi tries to help him out of it.


TITLE: Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow  
AUTHOR: Obi the Kid (hlnkid@aol.com)  
RATING: PG  
SUMMARY: Humor, pre-TPM, Obi is 15. Qui has a slight problem and Obi tries to help.  
FEEDBACK: Always in need of that.  
ARCHIVE: Please ask me first.  
MY TPM FIC WEBSITE: http://www.angelfire.com/movies/obithekid/  
DISCLAIMER: The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas Films Limited. The characters not recognizable from this venue are copyrighted to Tracy C. Knight. The story is the intellectual property of Tracy C. Knight and is copyrighted to her. She makes no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.  
NOTES: Thanks to Brenda for the bunny and the title!!!!!  
  
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Hair Today Gone Tomorrow  
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(Obi-Wan Kenobi relaxes in the apartment that he has shared with his master for the past three years. He's stretched out on the couch, reading a letter from Bant on his datapad. There is a loud cry of profanity coming from the kitchen area. The Jedi apprentice can only roll his eyes, and mumble to himself.)  
  
Obi: Yep that's my master. Leave him alone in the kitchen, he always manages to get into trouble.  
  
(Qui-Gon yells again. This time Obi-Wan listens to interpret the words.)  
  
Qui: Dmn...tuck...Obi-wan...et ur butt in ear...padawn...  
  
Obi: Master are you alright?  
  
Qui: O...elp e...urry...  
  
(Reluctantly getting off of the couch, Obi-Wan heads into the kitchen. He bites his lip, so as not to break into hysterical laughter.)  
  
Obi: Um, master, I'm here. What's wrong?  
  
Qui: Stuck.  
  
Obi: You're stuck?  
  
(Indeed Qui-Gon, who had been attempting to fix the dishwasher himself, rather than calling someone to take care of it, had somehow managed to get his head stuck in the machine. He was leaning into it, his head all the way in the dishwasher itself. To Obi, it looked extremely uncomfortable.)  
  
Qui: Yes, I am stuck. Please help me get out of this mess.  
  
Obi: Okay, how do I do that?  
  
Qui: Grab my shoulders and pull me backwards.  
  
(Obi-Wan did as he master told him. But just as they began get him unstuck, Qui-Gon yelled out.)  
  
Qui: OW!! STOP! STOP!! DAMN!!  
  
(Obi-Wan let go quickly, suddenly worried.)  
  
Obi: Master, I'm sorry, what happened?  
  
Qui: Hair is stuck.  
  
Obi: What?  
  
Qui: MY HAIR IS STUCK.  
  
Obi: Oh...on what?  
  
Qui: I don't know. It just is. Would you try and get me loose please, stop sitting there starring at me.  
  
(As Obi-Wan reached in to try and free his masters long hair from wherever it was stuck, he began talking.)  
  
Obi: You know master, if you had called Repair Services, this wouldn't have happened. I told you to call them.  
  
Qui: Shut up Obi-Wan, the last thing I need right now is a lecture from my apprentice.   
  
Obi: But master, I can't see anything, how am I supposed to know what your hair is tangled on?  
  
Qui: Grab a flashlight Mr. Brilliant.  
  
Obi: Oh...good idea. Hang on, I'll be back in a minute.  
  
(The boy left to find a light that may help him in this minor crisis. He was again mumbling to himself.)  
  
Obi: Mr. Brilliant? Don't get upset with me, cause you just HAD to fix this thing yourself. Don't call for help, no, THAT would make to much sense. I wonder about you sometimes master, I really do. Stubborn old man.  
  
(He felt a force tug on his mind. And immediately knew that his master was listening to him.)  
  
Obi: How does he do that? Hmmm...where does he keep the flashlight? MASTER? I CAN'T FIND IT? DO YOU KNOW WHERE IT IS?   
  
Qui: In the bthrm cbnet...  
  
Obi: The bathroom cabinet? Why would a flashlight be in the bathroom? He is so strange about some things. Ah, here we go. Okay, now we're in business. I FOUND IT MASTER!  
  
(He wanders back into the kitchen and kneels down, shinning the light in the dishwasher to try and locate the problem.)  
  
Qui: Not in my eyes padawan, please. Great now I can't see anything.  
  
Obi: You see those little spots now don't you. That freaks me out sometimes.  
  
Qui: Obi-Wan, you will see more than spots if you don't can the small talk and help me out of here.  
  
Obi: Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood a bit. I don't see the tangle master, I don't get it. Let me try looking on the other side.   
  
Qui: This is very uncomfortable Obi-Wan, would you hurry up.  
  
Obi: Master, I can't see how you are stuck. How can I help you if I don't see the problem? I think I'm gonna have to go get help.   
  
Qui: NO! No, you are not to tell a soul about this. With your big mouth it'll end up all over the temple.  
  
Obi: It will not. I know how to keep things low profile.  
  
Qui: Liar. You remember the boxer shorts episode, don't you?  
  
Obi: Oh, well, that was different.  
  
Qui: How was that different?  
  
Obi: Half the temple already knew about it before I told them. (Realizing that he had just incriminated himself, Obi-Wan slaps a hand over his mouth.)  
  
Qui: Uh huh, just as I suspected. You and your flying lips just can't stop can you? If I didn't need your help right now, you would be in the corner, in meditation for seventy-two straight hours.  
  
Obi: With no pee break?  
  
Qui: With no nothing. You tell anyone about this and you will eat nothing but Yoda's mush for the rest or your natural life...understand?  
  
Obi: Yes, master. Boy, you are grumpy today.  
  
Qui: Obi-Wan? My head is stuck in a DISHWASHER!! This is NOT FUN! And you are not helping matters. STOP LAUGHING!!  
  
Obi: I'm not laughing master. Not yet anyway. Okay, if I can't get help, what should I do?  
  
Qui: Use your head, think of something.  
  
Obi: Use my head? You see what happened when you used yours.   
  
(Qui-Gon reached an arm around and managed to grab his student by the braid.)  
  
Qui: One more crack like that padawan, and this braid is mine.   
  
Obi: Sorry. I can't help myself sometimes. My mouth gets in the way of my brain.  
  
Qui: At least you realize it.  
  
Obi: I think it's from the lack of mush that I get from you.  
  
Qui: What?  
  
Obi: Mush, you know...a hug here, a hair ruffle there? You never hug me master.  
  
Qui: I do so. I did just last year.  
  
Obi: Once a year doesn't cut it. You hugged me one time on my birthday. I need love.  
  
Qui: Why me? Why do I end up with the only padawan in the Order who needs a hug to get through the day? Okay Obi-Wan. You get me out of here, without breathing a word of this to ANYONE, and I promise that I will give you more hugs. Deal?  
  
Obi: I have to make a deal with you to get a hug? Jeez...it's just a hug master, I don't think I should have to trade you something for it.  
  
(Qui-Gon sighed. His head still in the dishwasher.)  
  
Qui: Okay, I'm sorry Obi-Wan, perhaps I should hug you more. But that's a bit hard to do in my current position. We can talk about this later. Right now, we need a plan.  
  
Obi: Cut your hair.  
  
Qui: Cut my hair?  
  
Obi: Yes, I can reach in with a pair of scissors and snip the area where I think it may be tangled.  
  
Qui: You said you didn't see where it was tangled.  
  
Obi: Well, I kinda have an idea. Don't think we have much choice here master. I can cut, or I can call for help. Your decision.  
  
(Qui thought about it for a few minutes before responding.)  
  
Qui: Okay, get the scissors. You can cut me out of here.  
  
Obi: Great. Now, where are the scissors?  
  
Qui: In the bathroom.  
  
Obi: Do you keep everything in the bathroom?  
  
Qui: Obi-Wan?  
  
Obi: Sorry, I'm going. (He starts walking away.) Keep this up and I may as well just hang out in the bathroom.  
  
Qui: Kenobi, I hear you.  
  
Obi: I need to learn to keep my mouth shut...or talk quieter.  
  
Qui: You need to learn to stop running your lips so much. The scissors? Please.  
  
(Obi returned in a few with a large pair of dangerous looking shears.)  
  
Obi: Okay master. I got them. Are you ready?  
  
Qui: I guess so. Do not make me bald Obi-Wan or you will be joining me. And before you say anything, think of how you would look with a baldhead and a single braid hanging from behind your ear. (He paused while Obi-Wan pictured himself like that.) Not a pretty picture is it?   
  
Obi: No master, it's not. I will be careful.  
  
(The apprentice reached in grabbed the hair that he thought was stuck and began snipping.)  
  
Obi: I think I got it master. Try and move your head now. (The Master tried, no luck.)  
  
Qui: That didn't work Obi-Wan. How much did you cut off?  
  
Obi: Just a small part, it's okay...let me see. Oh, there's the problem. I see it now. Let me give this one more shot.  
  
(Qui-Gon was quiet as the eager sounds of snipping continued.)  
  
Qui: Well? (Just as he spoke, he felt he head freed from the tangle. Slowly he lifted himself out of the awkward kneeling position.)  
  
Obi: I did it. Not bad huh? Um...you want to keep your hair? (Obi-Wan held up a large section of the Jedi Masters hair.)  
  
Qui: OBI-WAN!!! THAT IS HALF OF MY HEAD!!!  
  
Obi: No, it's okay...really, go take a look in the mirror.  
  
(Qui-Gon grabbed his apprentice by the braid and dragged him behind.)  
  
Obi: Gee, should I guess where we are going? Shall I say...the bathroom? Been spending a lot of time in there lately.  
  
Qui: Shut up padawan. I must see what you have done before I make my final decision to kill you.  
  
(Once in the bathroom, he looked in the mirror. The hair on one side of his head was only half the length of the other side. Qui-Gon took deep several breaths. He really didn't want to kill Obi-Wan, but he would if necessary.)  
  
Obi: See master? Not that bad. I can even-up the other side and...  
  
Qui: NO!! Stay away from my hair. Put the scissors down. I will deal with this myself. Come.  
  
(Again, he grabbed the boy by the braid and pulled him along.)  
  
Obi: Master, that hurts. Where are we going?  
  
Qui: Grab your robe, now.  
  
(Obi-Wan did so and followed his master example, putting the robe on and draping the hood over his head. Qui-Gon took the boys arm and they headed out the door.)  
  
Obi: Master where are we going?   
  
Qui: To see the barber. I need to have him straighten out your...artwork.  
  
Obi: I did the best I could master. And I didn't tell anyone.  
  
Qui: You haven't had the opportunity to do so yet.   
  
Obi: I think Master Bren would like your new look.  
  
Qui: You DO NOT mention this to her. Understand?  
  
(Obi-Wan hung his head.)  
  
Obi: Yes, master.   
  
(They arrive at the barber, and Qui-Gon is seated immediately by Mr. Bar the barber.)  
  
Bar: This is a new look for you Qui.   
  
Qui: I don't need jokes Bar, just fix it? And while my esteemed apprentice is here, he too will be in need of a cut.  
  
Obi: But master, I just had it cut last week. It can't go any shorter.  
  
Qui: Bar? Do the words peach fuzz mean anything to you?  
  
Bar: Ah, I see. It does and can be arranged. Obi, please have a seat. I will be with you in a few minutes.  
  
(Bar straightened Qui-Gon's hair, shortening the one side to match the other. Then he turned to the younger Jedi...pulling out the close shave razor.)  
  
(Seemingly close to tears, Obi-Wan starred at his master. For whatever reason, Qui-Gon was affected by the look of sadness that came over his apprentices' features.)  
  
Qui: Hold on Bar. Never mind. I will take care of this. Come padawan; let's go home.  
  
(Together they walked back to their apartment.)  
  
Obi: Thank you master for not letting him shave my head. I am sorry about your hair. But I didn't know what else to do. You hate me now, don't you?  
  
Qui: No Obi-Wan, I do not hate you. I could never hate you. I love you very much. It's just that sometimes, your mouth speaks before your brain can stop it. You need to work on that.  
  
Obi: I will master, I promise. You love me?  
  
(Qui-Gon puts an arm around his student.)  
  
Qui: I do. Well, most of the time anyway. Somedays? You really make me want to sell you. But other days? You make me very proud to be your master.   
  
(Obi-Wan blushed slightly and pulled away.)  
  
Obi: Don't say that master, not in public.  
  
Qui: What? That I am proud of you and that I love you?  
  
Obi: Yeah, my friends might be listening. Don't get me wrong, I am happy to know you feel that way, but...you know...  
  
Qui: I can't win with you. You want me to hug you and offer you this mush stuff, but not while your friends might be near?  
  
Obi: Exactly!!   
  
Qui: I didn't know that there were rules to all this.  
  
Obi: There are rules, and they must be followed. My dignity depends on it.  
  
Qui: Your dignity? Okay, well, how does your dignity feel about this?  
  
(Qui-Gon picks his padawan up and hugs him as tight as he can, holding the embrace for several minutes. Obi-Wan struggled to get free, before finally relaxing. Eventually Qui-Gon released him.)  
  
Qui: Was it that bad?  
  
Obi: Ha! Nope. That was nice actually. But we really have to get out of here. Bant is close by, I heard her laughing.   
  
Qui: Okay Obi-Wan, whatever you say. Shall we run down the halls and laugh back at her?  
  
Obi: Master? No...I can't do that...then she'll see your hair...and I will never live that down.  
  
Qui: Another confusing day in the life of my padawan and I.  
  
Obi: Yep, that's why I like you master. Underneath the gruff exterior, you're a nice guy.  
  
Qui: Obi-Wan?  
  
Obi: Yes master?  
  
Qui: Shut up.   
  
Obi: Yes, master.  
  
Qui: Come, let me make you some lunch.  
  
Obi: I'd rather eat master Yoda's mush.  
  
Qui: Good, because that is what we are having. Let's go.  
  
END  
  
  



End file.
